Once a week, usually on Sundays, my wife sleeps in. This means that my 2 month old son also sleeps in, which means, if I’m up by 5am, I can get through the ashtanga primary series up to about navasana. By my third lolasana, he usually starts to wake up, and I hastily feed and rock him. He chills for maybe, if I’m lucky, 8 minutes, and I rush, full bore, through the finishing sequence; 5 breaths each pose, jump-backs, jump-throughs, chakrasanas, all done at break neck (by which I mean I might actually break my neck) speed.
Basically, between teaching, and my still awkwardly fitting responsibilities of fatherhood, I don’t have much time for yoga.
This makes me wonder, why was I attracted to yoga, and specifically ashtanga, in the first place? I mean, I know why I did yoga generally – hot, hatha, vinyasa, core; but I had never actually heard of ashtanga before taking my teaching course.
Why now, do I find the practice so compelling that when I’m rocking my son back to sleep at 5:30am on a Wednesday morning, part of me is whispering…”put him down for a second, just do bhujapidasana”, knowing full well that at his current age and temperament, the experience of his meal being interrupted, even for a quick vinyasa and 5 breaths, will result in sheer, uncontrollable terror. The will to live is strong in this one.
Some people give of themselves as a matter of course; helping the helpless, feeding the hungry, or just labouring with boundless energy for their family’s domestic welfare. My mom was like this; never stopping the folding and chopping and cooking and mopping, along with consoling, wiping, hugging and disciplining, all the while holding down often several part time, jobs.
I guess in the end, I was drawn to ashtanga because of the inward looking nature of the practice. Ashtanga is about examining, reflecting on, and ultimately changing, the nature of your own mind.
It’s a naturally selfish experience.
What having a child has taught me, is that, although looking inward is incredibly useful, and really can make you a better person, it can consume you. The fluctuations of your mind are illusions, nothing more. Your physical life is what counts at the end of the day.
Practice is practice, but life is LIFE. I’m doing my best to reject extremes, both gross and subtle, and seek a middle path of balance.
- Michael
Basically, between teaching, and my still awkwardly fitting responsibilities of fatherhood, I don’t have much time for yoga.
This makes me wonder, why was I attracted to yoga, and specifically ashtanga, in the first place? I mean, I know why I did yoga generally – hot, hatha, vinyasa, core; but I had never actually heard of ashtanga before taking my teaching course.
Why now, do I find the practice so compelling that when I’m rocking my son back to sleep at 5:30am on a Wednesday morning, part of me is whispering…”put him down for a second, just do bhujapidasana”, knowing full well that at his current age and temperament, the experience of his meal being interrupted, even for a quick vinyasa and 5 breaths, will result in sheer, uncontrollable terror. The will to live is strong in this one.
Some people give of themselves as a matter of course; helping the helpless, feeding the hungry, or just labouring with boundless energy for their family’s domestic welfare. My mom was like this; never stopping the folding and chopping and cooking and mopping, along with consoling, wiping, hugging and disciplining, all the while holding down often several part time, jobs.
I guess in the end, I was drawn to ashtanga because of the inward looking nature of the practice. Ashtanga is about examining, reflecting on, and ultimately changing, the nature of your own mind.
It’s a naturally selfish experience.
What having a child has taught me, is that, although looking inward is incredibly useful, and really can make you a better person, it can consume you. The fluctuations of your mind are illusions, nothing more. Your physical life is what counts at the end of the day.
Practice is practice, but life is LIFE. I’m doing my best to reject extremes, both gross and subtle, and seek a middle path of balance.
- Michael